Bobblehead

By Charles Bins, Brunswick Forest

After a high school football injury, Bobby Baducca’s orthopedist gave him a choice: He could

either get his neck vertebrae fused and walk around like Frankenstein — or he could get all seven

neck vertebrae removed and replaced with a spring. This was cutting-edge sports medicine back

in 2035, and Bobby would be one of the first recipients.

Well, Bobby liked springs ever since he was five when he would ride his WonderHorse while his

family watched the History Channel (at his insistence). He fancied himself a Rough Rider like

Teddy Roosevelt. He was pugilistic and frequently pummeled bullies and sometimes his friends.

So, at age 16, it was an easy decision. His parents liked his newfound flexibility about this and

other things, like what to watch on TV.

At first, the kids at school made fun of Bobby, though he could be quite persuasive once he

started swinging. (If anyone ever landed a head punch, his classmates would’ve wet their pants.)

In college, Bobby was still practicing flexibility in deciding on a major, when one day he walked

into an Italian restaurant for lunch. He ordered the eggplant parm – and it changed his life.

There was, in fact, a major eggplant 15 miles away, and he decided he must work there right

away. With his titanium-spring head, Bobby could easily pick out the bad eggs, boing-boing-

boing. Turns out, he also could pick out bad employees. Naturally, they moved him into HR, and

he soon became the department head. They paid him to go back to college, and after further

vacillation, he majored in Egg Science with a minor in PolySci.

In time, Baducca became president of the company. He revolutionized the industry with cubic

eggs which didn’t stick to the bottom of the carton. (His secret: Train hens to be more flexible).

As an industry star, he was elected commissioner of the National Egg Board (NEB). Board

members called him “NEB commish,” or “nebbish” for short.

With flexible thinking (and friends in high places), Baducca decided to run for U.S. Congress. In

his first term, he helped pass the National Water Bill which replaced all remaining copper pipe in

the country with new flex pipe. (“What you don’t see can kill you,” he’d say.) Replumbing

America put millions to work. Building on success, he swiveled his attention to the White House.

Recalling Herbert Hoover, he ran on a slogan of “Eggs for Everyone” and was elected in a

landslide.

Bobby Baducca is one of our most popular Presidents. He can get anyone to agree with anything

(and figures he can always change his mind). A few years ago, he decided the country really

needed to move to nuclear power and to do away with nuclear weapons. After seeing the Iranians

weren’t signing on, he decided to keep his “Big Stick.”

He’s also been flexible on the environment. Though some joked he laid an egg calling nuclear

power “green,” if you say it enough, it can become true. It’s hard to believe our country ever

elected a Bobblehead president, yet we did it twice. Some of us wish we could change our

minds; most just smile and bob their heads.