One night I stayed up,

Thinking I could change the world.

But I couldn’t because I had too much optimism

And a blanket of reality erased by my own head.

One night I stayed up, thinking about how I could find love.

But I couldn’t because I had too many faults

And a mat of lies covered that up.

One night I stayed up to think about how I could be kinder.

One night I stayed up thinking about how I could get stronger.

One night I stayed up thinking about how I could be prettier.

One night I stayed up thinking about how I could make you prouder.

One night I stayed up thinking about how I could be smarter. 

One night I stayed up thinking about how I could do better.

And then,

One night I stayed up thinking about my life, but I couldn’t anymore.

I was having so many problems that I couldn’t tell a single soul who would understand

Or who could help me escape.

One night I stayed up listening to lofi music

And I had run out of all the flaws I could dwell on night after night.

So,

I left my room

I left my house

In the dead of night.

I climb to the roof

And lay down

And stare.

One night I stayed up

Staring at the sky

With its dancing stars and melting colors.

And I cry

Hard

Silent

Reluctant

And I rage

And I envy

And I wail

And I curl up

And I push the tears out

And I force blood through a death grip

And I shake

And I whine

And I stop 

I stop.

Stop, stop, stop.

I stop.

And I stare. 

From disgrace and envy,

From pain and suffering,

From anger and ruin,

From fear and hide.

I stop

And I stare

The sky seemed to whisper,

So I listen

I listen to its words

I listen to its memories and dreams

I listen to its past and its present

I listen to it all

And I reach out

I reach my hand out

My fingers pulled across the galactic sky

And the blazing stars

And I reached out-

One night I stayed up

Thinking about the sky.

I can’t express in words what I thought,

But I feel like you can figure it out.

I had stared at those stars,

And smeared the sky,

And listened deeply to the words the galaxy sent me through the wind.

And even after that, my hurt didn’t hurt any less,

And my anger didn’t burn any lighter,

And my tears didn’t fall any slower.

No, none of that.

To be brutally honest, 

I think the hurt turned into a war,

And the hot ember pit turned into a forest fire,

And the tears started to form an ocean.

But,

From that war came peace.

From that, fire helped the sunlight shine in.

And from that ocean, it created life and serenity.