Heard on Nextdoor


“Did you know all the ponds here are connected?”

Charles Bins, Brunswick Forest

 Park Landing (PL): If you heard screaming just now, that was me and my two chihuahuas trying to get in my front door to avoid some vicious slithering animal. It came onto my porch snapping and growling. FINAL WARNING: I’ve posted this previously, and if it happens again, I’ll defend myself.

Kay Todd Rd.: Don’t shoot ‘em, ma’m. Sounds like my pet alligator, ‘cept he’s generally friendlier. I moved here from Florida last fall, but he ran off shortly after, so I built a chicken coop. Thought he was gone, but sounds like he’s taken a liking to Brunswick Forest.

Parkway Crossing: Wonder if he’s the same gator I saw yesterday.

Park West: I think I saw him, too. Was he wearing sunglasses?

Parkway Crossing: Ya, and walking upright.

Evangeline: Well, I can’t say I saw him for sure, but a British chap rang my bell yesterday, and said he was thirsty. His breath smelled of fish, but I’m blind and widowed so I invited him in.

PL: Why?

Evangeline: Claimed he was cold-blooded but had a warm heart. He admitted he was new to the neighborhood, a bit lost and just needed to cool off.

Park West: That was nice of you. It was 98 degrees yesterday with 98% humidity.

Hazel Branch: That’s BS. I caught him sleeping on my porch curled up like he owns the place. Almost didn’t notice, he went so well with the décor. But no, he’s a vagrant. I chased him with a rake.

Shelmore: So what did you do Evangeline?

Evangeline: I invited him in. Told him to sit in my easy chair and mixed a daiquiri with a double shot of rum. He drank it in one gulp, then invited me to dance. He likes smooth jazz.

Park West: So is he handsome?

Evangeline: His hands are rough; definitely needs a manicure. Cyrano would envy his nose. He’s definitely stylish though. He’s got a thing for crocodile belts. And I’d say, a very good dancer — he didn’t step on my feet anyway.

Park West: Sounds charming.

Evangeline: His accent reminds me of Peter O’Toole, but he calls himself ‘Al.’ Quite the conversationalist – and an environmentalist, too, like me. Al’s very knowledgeable about wildlife, especially fish and birds, marshes, inland waterways, and stormwater runoff systems. But I managed to doze off when he got to microbiology. When I woke up, he was gone.

Hazel Branch: OMG! Did he take anything? …Check your silverware!

Evangeline: No. In fact, he was very considerate: He trimmed my flowers; even emptied my kitchen garbage before he left. He did leave quite an odor in the bathroom though, but he did flush.

Hazel Branch: You sure nothing’s gone?

Evangeline: Wait. I know I left a jar of wild herring in the fridge yesterday. –But I was sleeping. He was welcome to it.

PL: Well, he wasn’t at all nice to me and my chihuahuas.

Kay Todd Rd.: You gotta admit, chihuahuas can be more annoying than a rooster at dawn. If you really you want to make him go away, PL, just toss him a roaster (he loves Costco) or at least a cold leg.

Evangeline: And tell Al that Shirley at 1001 Evangeline would love to see him again, and if he brings flowers, I’ll put on some cool jazz and open a jar of wild herring.


Image credit: Chuck Bins