It’s that time of year again—time to send your children back to school; time for them to get one step closer to their future. The middle and high school years are critical times for our children, especially the middle school years.
Going to middle school is more than just changing grades and schools, it’s a time for our children to start to discover the world around them and to make some decisions about who they are—moving gently away from total parental input regarding what they like, what they should do or how they should look.
I didn’t go to middle school. I went to Junior High School—Wilbur Wright Junior High. One day, I was in elementary school wearing white ankle socks and being called Janet and then, I graduated to a whole different world.
I had a friend in elementary school named Bonnie. Bonnie and I were very similar. We didn’t have a hair style, per se, our hair was neatly combed back away from our face, sitting flat on our heads and then we put a thin head band on to keep it in place. No bangs. We didn’t carry purses or wear jewelry. Our wardrobe was a small selection of skirts, blouses and an occasional dress but always with the same flat shoes. There were no “nylons” or “hose” for us, just those plain white socks.
The summer between elementary school and junior high was one of discovery and change. If we were growing up and going to a new school, we were going to make changes to our outlook and appearance and now was the time to do it. I started to listen to rock-n-roll music, or “noise” as my mother called it. I was tuned in to WIXY 1260, the station of choice for older kids in my neighborhood. I started to “rat” my hair—that process of back combing and making a large bowl on your head held together by a half a can of hair spray but was quickly overruled by my mother who declared that my hair would fall out if I continued to do that. There were also no pierced ears in my future or nylons. It was flat hair, the headband, naked ears and white socks for my junior high debut.
On the first day of junior high, I saw Bonnie. I could not believe my eyes. She was wearing dark tan makeup (which did not go well with her blonde complexion,) large, dangly earrings, nylons and high heels. She had a new hair style—with bangs. Her hair was ratted about six inches above her head, but the back was not styled, so when she turned around there was just a mess of hair, but as long as she faced forward, she looked amazing. She wore a short skirt and carried a large handbag. She started to call herself “Bonn.” She looked like a teenager, not a newly minted 7th grader.
Obviously, Bonnie was changing her outside appearance to fit in to what she thought was the norm in her new environment. The transition from elementary school to middle school is a journey—and a scary one at that. Our children were used to one, possibly two teachers all day and the same students in their peer group classes. Going to middle school means dealing with different teaching styles of many teachers throughout the day and typically, a different peer group for each or most of their classes.
Children need a sense of belonging and wearing the same “uniform” as other students, like Bonnie thought she was doing, is one way of creating that bond that may make the transition into this new world less painful. Children want to blend in with the group, not stand out in a bad way.
Middle school aged children need to be heard. They need to feel a sense of validation for their opinions and views of their world and the world at large. They need to be able to have choices, which is what the middle school movement of the 1960’s advocated. The idea of project-based learning in teams or groups that would promote independent thinking. This is the time in their lives when our children will learn socialization with others outside of their home base and familial world. They are learning how to get along in the world. They learn that they are not the center of the universe, but individuals that have a voice.
Right now, they are establishing their own identities. They are watching and listening to others—their peers, their teachers and their influencers to determine where they fit in—or even, do they fit in? They are seeking active, positive peer influence and are learning how to provide that to others.
During the course of my junior high school years, I made a serious attempt to become Bonnie. Not to the degree that she did right off the bat, but I made small strides that kept me out of the bullying zone and into the “accepted on the fringes” zone. It was enough for me. Reacting to these changes, my mother used to ask, “What happened to that sweet little girl I sent to elementary school?” I grew up, mom and I realized that I was part of a bigger world.
If you are sending your children to middle school this year, expect changes. Expect changes that you don’t agree with, but will learn to live with. Listen. Ask for their opinions. Talk to them about things happening in the world. Encourage them to be individuals, but individuals that live among others. Encourage them to be accepting but questioning. Encourage them to think. Reflect back on your middle high school days and encourage them to enjoy this time of their life. These are critical times, but also fun times.
