Santa Claus sat at his North Pole desk in early December with his wire-rimmed spectacles planted on his nose. He checked the list of new residents in each village, town, and city to be sure he found each boy and girl at their correct address to receive the bundles of gifts he and his elves prepared for them since last Christmas. As he pondered his list, one address brought a smile to Santa’s face.

One Christmas Eve, Mr. Goldberg pretended to be Santa. The Goldberg family celebrated both Hanukkah and Christmas with their twin girls whose mother was Irish Catholic. While his wife put the twins to bed, “Santa” Goldberg went into the garage, pulled out a ladder, and climbed up on the roof. His plan was to stomp across the roof above the girls’ bedroom while shaking sleigh bells in hopes his girls would think Santa arrived. When Mr. Goldberg stepped off the ladder onto the rooftop, there was ice under a thick layer of snow. Before he took more than two steps, his feet slipped, and he fell face first into the snow. He slid off the roof onto snow-covered bushes and bounced into a pillow of drifted snow a foot deep.

Santa Claus continued checking his list when another memory tickled his funny bone. Betty and Billy moved into their new home in time to celebrate the holidays. It was to be a special Christmas with their one-year-old daughter. By Christmas Eve, their home glittered, and aromas wafted from the kitchen in preparation for their first Christmas as parents of Emily. In prior years, they celebrated with their two dogs and three cats. At one holiday party, Grandpa was spotted munching on treats set out on a table which he seemed to be enjoying, and offered some to Grandma who exclaimed, “Sidney, you are eating the cats’ nibbles!” This year, Christmas morning would be for Betty, Billy, and Emily and they would join other family members at their homes in the afternoon. Christmas dawned cold with snow.  Betty descended the stairs with Billy holding Emily, whose eyes opened wide at the sparkling tree festooned with bright lights, sparkling balls, and a popcorn garland. Before they reached the bottom step, one cat ran up the tree and toppled it onto the living room floor with lights flickering, glass bulbs shattering, and colorful balls and popcorn dancing around the room with dogs and cats in hot pursuit.

Scratching his head, Santa Claus remembered another first. It was a Christmas Eve party at a couple’s new home. Family and friends arrived, greeted by the couple’s two large Rhodesian Ridgeback dogs. Cocktails and appetizers were being served while dinner preparations continued in the kitchen. The dining room table, set with sparkling silver, crystal, china, and holiday decorations awaited guests who would serve themselves from platters of ham, turkey, vegetables, salads, rolls, relishes, and desserts. Prior to the turkey being placed on the sideboard and guests called to the table, the dogs grabbed the turkey and ran out the door. Unknown to the guests, earlier in the evening, those dogs gobbled up a large cheeseball from an appetizer tray. The dogs’ bad behavior was not disclosed to the guests, who did not realize any food was missing. After the guests departed, and the hosts went to sleep, their dogs became ill, waking them throughout the night. The night devolved into a holiday nightmare.

Before Santa continued with his list-checking, he remembered another holiday mishap. It seemed a boy’s ancestral homes met with misfortune, one after another. The first home, set on fire by the invading British army, burned to the ground during the War of 1812. The second home burned to the ground Christmas Eve due to a faulty fireplace. The third home remained standing during his grandparents’ lifetime, and each Christmas was celebrated as another year without a fire casualty. When the boy’s grandparents died, their heirs inherited the third home. Cousins resided in a home across the street, and it was this home where the young boy stood one Christmas Eve looking out the window at bright lights flickering, lights that became brighter and brighter until he realized he was viewing fire not bright holiday lights. A primitive fire brigade arrived but could not save this third house from burning to the ground. The fault was lighted candles placed near flammable holiday decorations.

Then Santa Claus laughed out loud. Years ago, when his reindeer were young and inexperienced, they became confused after delivering gifts and forgot which way was north. They arrived at the South Pole while he snoozed in the sleigh. When they failed to arrive home on schedule, Mrs. Claus worried they might have had an accident or mechanical problems with the sleigh. The elves paced the floor with her, none knowing how to find Santa. Baby Rudolph’s nose began to twitch. No one knew yet, but he would make sure Santa and his reindeer never got lost again. His name became Rudolph the Red-Nosed Radar Reindeer. Santa Claus pushed his glasses back on his nose, finished checking his list, and wished this year would be a joyful Christmas season without Christmas calamities.