In an AARP magazine interview several years ago, John Mellencamp, the rocker whose signature song was “Jack and Diane,” commented on the “myth of happiness.” He said, “Happiness is a fleeting moment of a day. It’s not a state of being. If you’re happy all the time, something’s wrong with you. We are put on this earth to toil and make things. Making the world a better place is not a happy job.”

That might sound depressing or cynical to some people, but I found it somewhat reassuring. Our culture often emphasizes the importance of “finding your bliss” and “self-actualization.” It sounds good, but not everyone has the resources or support to pursue their dreams. And it can make you think something is wrong if you are bored, disappointed, or unhappy for a day or two.

Let’s examine Mellencamp’s comments more closely: “Happiness is a fleeting moment of a day.”  Yes, there are days and weeks in our lives that truly stand out as blissful: meeting that special someone, the birth of children or grandchildren, getting into your first-choice college, or landing the big job (and accompanying promotion).

But what about all those other days that aren’t exactly bad but just pretty routine? According to Dr. Tracy Brower, a sociologist and author of two books about finding happiness at work, “Happiness doesn’t have to be big or loud. In fact, it often tiptoes in during small moments.”

This sentiment has been echoed over the decades by many famous people:

“Happiness consists more of small everyday pleasures than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom.” ~Benjamin Franklin

“A good life is a collection of happy moments.” ~Denis Waitley, author and motivational speaker

 “Enjoy the little things in life, for someday you’ll realize they were the big things.” ~Robert Brault, operatic tenor

 Mellencamp also claims that “happiness is not a state of being, and that if you are happy all the time, something is wrong with you.”  But we know some people are naturally happier than others. They are the “glass half full” people who can put a positive spin on misfortune or don’t get rattled when things don’t go as planned.

Sonja Lyubomirsky, who wrote “The How of Happiness,” says that we each have a “set point” of happiness that is 50% determined by genetics. The events in your life can affect your happiness, but not very much and not for very long. You tend to “bounce back” to your natural level of happiness.

And then there is “flow,” the psychology of optimal experience coined by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. During flow, people experience deep enjoyment, creativity, and total involvement with life. “A happiness moment comes when you’re deeply engaged in whatever you are doing, and you settle into that feeling of being alive,” says Kris Carlson, an author and transformational speaker. “In the most simple, random, ordinary ways, life suddenly becomes extraordinary.”  And, she suggests, for more than just a “fleeting moment.”

What about Mellencamp’s last point:  “We are put on this earth to toil and make things. Making the world a better place is not a happy job.” I agree with the first sentence but not necessarily the second. Making the world a better place can be hard, but it is often gratifying. Most people want to have a purposeful and meaningful life and to contribute to their community. Retirees talk about their “second act,” whether delving into new projects or giving back as volunteers.

Overall,  I agree with Mellencamp’s comments about the myth of happiness:  If I believe the purpose of my life is not to pursue my own happiness but to make the world a better place, then I can enjoy the work itself and have more gratitude for those fleeting moments of joy—be it a good meal with friends, jogging on a beautiful day, or getting Wordl in three (or less!) tries. And sometimes I can enter that state of flow,” like when I’m absorbed in writing a story or article for Cape Fear Voices.  J

What about you? Do you agree with Mellencamp’s comments? What puts you in “flow”?  And what are those little moments of happiness that “tiptoe” into your day?