A Frustrating MESS

A Frustrating MESS

Sheryl Keiper, Brunswick Forest

Sheryl Keiper-9d840d76

“Hi. Is this AT and T? Are you a real person? Are you sure you’re not a robot”?

“You’re not? OK. You have a name? A real name? Are you kidding?””

“Your name is Johnny? How come I can’t understand you?”

“Can you hear me now? Are you in India? You’re not in India” But isn’t AT and T a global network?

“Yes, you’re global. But you’re not in India?”

“OK. Johnny. I can tell you how you can help me.”

“What did you say? Thank you for choosing AT and T? But there are no other choices.

“What? You’re asking me how my day is going?”

“Not so good. I have no Internet or TV. And I’m missing the Voice finale that I watched all season long.”


“What? Am I a singer”? Yes, I’m actually a karaoke singer and a gospel choir singer.”

“Isn’t this call being monitored for quality assurance”?


“What? Am I willing to stay on the line for a few minutes after this conversation for a short survey?”

“I can’t answer that right now since I have no TV or Internet.”


“So, you want to get started. OK. You’re asking me to check my modem to see if two green lights are on”?

“OK. I can do that.”

“No, Johnny, one light is yellow.”

“You want me to press the re-set button and hold it in for 10 seconds”?

“OK. I’m counting now very slowly to give myself a safety net here in case something

happens in the meantime.”


“What do you mean that I have no confidence in AT and T”?

“That’s right, Johnny. I pay $206.00 a month for your service and it’s random confidence.”


“Of course I checked the batteries in my remote control. That I know how to do, Johnny.

That’s old school technology.”


“And Johnny, while we are waiting for the system to reboot, how about shaving at least

$25.00 off this monthly bill for causing me stress’?


“What do you mean that I don’t know how to handle stress, Johnny? Yes, I know it’s my

reaction to stress that causes my elevated blood pressure.”

“Yes, Johnny, I have very high blood pressure. Yes, I take my meds for it.”

“Oops. System says it’s rebooting! The globe had appeared in the corner of the TV.”


“Johnny, you’re asking me why am I stressed”?


“Well, for starters, I have no Internet or TV, two sick cats- one with a definite cancer

prognosis, a breakup with my current boyfriend, and some recent bad medical health results, and I hurt constantly from arthritis. I wish I could smoke again but my bad lungs won’t let me.”


“You said you’re very sorry to hear about all my misfortunes”?

“Why, thank you for listening, Johnny.”

“Yes, the sound is coming on. Yes, I can switch the channels. Yes, the computer is back on.”


“Do I want to participate in the customer service survey?”


“It depends if I get $25.00 shaved off my current bill. That’s not asking for much for my



“You’ll transfer me to the billing department?”


“Will I get a real person, Johnny?” From India?”


“Yes, goodbye and thank you. Please hold while we transfer you to the billing department.


Thank you for choosing AT and T.”


“Wait, Johnny, wait, wait!”


“Welcome to AT and T. This call may be monitored for quality assurance.”


“You’re hold time is 25 minutes….. You can leave a call back number in the meantime….”