Love  Language


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You are my heart

Jan Morgan-Swegle, Editor


Jan Morgan-Swegle


Last year, I wrote about the seasons of my life and how my outlook changed over time.  This year I am applying that same thought, but this time  to love language.   Love language is something that married couples and those in long term relationships develop over the years.   It’s a communication pattern and style that only the two of you share.

When Tony and I first got married, our love language was full of, “I love you, I need you, I want you,”  conversations.   We called each other during the day just to hear the other’s voice.  We whispered off color remarks so the children wouldn’t hear and we could effectively communicate with just a sly wink, a nod of our heads and a smile.

For years, we had picnics in front of our fireplace while listening to new age music and sharing  wine and cheese.  We would examine the events of our respective workdays and update each other on our schedules and commitments that might take us away from each other.

We would leave notes for each other and I would get random greeting cards from Tony telling me how much he loved me.     As the children got older, we would take overnight trips to B&B’s and visit Ohio wine country.

Valentine’s Day was full of chocolate candy and white underwear with red hearts scattered about and sometimes there were roses delivered in a beautiful vase with a romantic message on the card.

But, just as the seasons of my life reminded me of how I have changed, I find that our love language has also changed after 34 years of marriage.   We are in our 70’s now and while we are still very much in love, we convey it in a different way.

“Didn’t we have fun last night,”  has changed to “How did you sleep?”

“Have some more wine,” is now, “Did you take your pills?”

“Come back soon, I will miss you every minute you are gone,” is now, “Drive carefully.”

“I’m back, did you miss me,” is now, “Where are you?”

“Babe,” is now, “Sweetie Pie.”

“What do you need help with,” is now, “What did you do?”

Whispering in my ear has turned from rich, deep, sweet words to, “I can’t hear you; I’m not wearing my hearing aids.”

And, romantic evenings, sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace has been replaced with sitting on chairs in the lanai while we watch our lava lamp make different shapes and listen to hits of the ‘60’s and ‘70’s.

Going to wine country has been replaced with visiting area wine bars and Valentine’s Day is full of funny cards about how crazy in love we were when we were young.

We talk through our dog now, referring to ourselves as “Mommy and Daddy.”  As in, “Mommy would love it if Daddy would get up and get her some wine.”  Or, “If Mommy really loved you, she would take you out to poop more often.”

As we enter a new year, who knows how our current love language will change.  Maybe it will be more, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”   Or, maybe it will be “Don’t worry, I will  always take care of you…”

But whatever it is, our love language will be as sweet as it always was and will be there to comfort and guide us.  It will reinforce what our love language has been saying  for 34 years, “I love you, Tony.”  “I love you, Jan.”