July will mark my husband’s and my twenty-ninth wedding anniversary.  Twenty-nine years is a record for us since both of us were married twice before.  As single principals we found each other in a principals’ meeting and have been together ever since.  During the first two years of our marriage, we ended arguments by saying, “You are not my principal!” And “Well, you are not mine either.”  Then that got boring and obviously didn’t really solve anything.  So now with both of us in our eighties, we mostly discuss our differences, and then go on about our lives.

Take the thermostat for instance.  He likes it very warm, because he is often cold.  I like it chilly, since anything that requires movement makes me perspire.  So, smiling Dave slips around me and sets the thermostat at 80 degrees plus.  I then slide in behind him and push it down to 60.

I say, “Look it is summer.  It’s 90 degrees outside.  Why don’t you go sit on the back porch and enjoy the warm weather?”

He replies, “No way.  It is just too hot out there.”

What?  Go figure.

Then there is the matter of women’s clothing.  He points out to me a female wearing a tunic top that is orange, green, yellow, purple and red in an abstract print.  He says, “Isn’t that attractive?”

I say, “Not really.  I think it is vulgar and tacky looking.  But if you like that, why don’t you but a shirt with those colors?”

He says, “Are you kidding?  That’s too loud for me.”

What?  Oh, yeah, go figure.

Then there is the matter of what to eat at the one big meal a day we get in the dining room at the retirement village where we reside.  He tells me that I should eat more green vegetables.

He says, “Honey, I’ve read that green vegetables give you energy.  You get so tired in the evening, why don’t you fill your order with green beans, broccoli, and Brussel sprouts?” I agree and order exactly that along side a piece of fish.  Then I look to see what he has ordered.  On his plate are rice, pasta, mashed potatoes, fried onion rings, and a piece of fish.  I ask him, “Where are your green vegetables?”

He says, “I don’t want those. They give me too much gas, and then I can’t sleep.”

What?  Okay, go figure.

Finally, there is the matter of the new shoes.  Smiling Dave loves a handsome pair of sporty shoes.  I suggest that we go to the nearest shoe store, he gets fitted and purchases shoes that he would like.

He says, “No way.  They charge to much in a store and they never fit me properly.”

Then he gets on the internet, finds a pair of shoes he thinks are beautiful and asks me to help him order them.  I dutifully send for the shoes from some company that I have never heard of for an eighty-dollar price plus shipping and tax.  The shoes arrive exactly two months later, and they are way too big for his feet.  I’m guessing that the Chinese manufacturer believes that if you have a size 13 long foot, you must also have a double E wide.

I do my best to return the shoes.  But after they request a copy of my passport, I decide that we are stuck with them.  Luckily, my middle son comes home for a visit and says that his new son-in-law has huge feet and the shoes should fit him.  They do, and while we are out eighty dollars, I think that at least the shoes are not going to waste.

Smiling Dave proceeds to find another pair of shoes he loves and this time, I insist that we use Amazon.  Amazon makes returning items, that the buyer doesn’t want or can’t use, very easy.    I order the shoes and they arrive within three days.  They do not fit because while they are smaller, they still are too wide.

Once again, I attempt to return the shoes.  To my amazement, Amazon replies that we may keep the shoes, and they will credit my account.  Now we have another pair of shoes that eventually we donate to charity.

I say, “Love, why don’t we just go to a good shoe store and find a pair of shoes that you like and will fit you?”  Smiling Dave looks at me and says, “Good idea.  Why didn’t we do that before we tried to buy them online?”

What?  Right, go figure!!

After twenty-nine years, I do not argue with him anymore, or even say I told you so.  I just walk away and let him be absolutely wrong.