Background Noise: The clomp-clomp of hooves on the ground, the whir of cameras, and the excited chatter of fans in the stands.
Announcer: Hello, equestrian fans and welcome to Tryon International Equestrian Center for the annual international show jumping tournament. This 1600-acre state-of-the-art facility is bustling with activity as horses, riders, and their respective entourages gear up for the second day of equine competition.
(Announcer steps back to avoid a passing stallion and executes a nimble sidestep to avoid stepping in a pile of horse dung)
Announcer: Ha, ha, just dodging some road apples, folks. The excitement here is palpable as our riders warm up in the facility’s manicured arenas. (Camera pans the main arena decorated with colorful jumps and vibrant flower arrangements.) But don’t take my word for it. Let’s get it straight from the horses’ mouths. (Announcer walks over to three horses who are ruminating about their recent performances. One wears a blue ribbon.)
Announcer: I’d like to introduce Kally, a 12-year-old dark bay; Indie, a blood bay thoroughbred with red in his coat; and Archer, a young stallion in training. Kally, it looks like you took top honors at that first competition. Congratulations!
Kally (pacing nervously): Yes, yes, but it was so close! Did you see? I brushed that one last rail! Almost knocked it down! I’d like to blame my rider, but what if I’m slipping? If I’m not more prepared, I’ll become a mere pasture ornament!
Indie: (rolling his eyes): Geez, Kally, stop being such a perfectionist. You won! Out of 52 competitors! I remember my racing days with Godolphin. When I think about my first and second wins in a 20-horse field, I still get butterflies in my belly! (Turns around, showing off his coat and shaking his derriere. Announcer blushes.)
Kally: I know, I know, but these international competitions make me nervous. The stalls are so small, I go stir crazy waiting for my turn.
Indie: Yes, and we eat and sleep so much better at home. The food here is really substandard. It makes me constipated.
The Horses’ Groomer: (an athletic-looking woman standing off to the side and holding a shovel and wheelbarrow full of horse dung) Really? I hadn’t noticed!
Archer: (glancing around at several passing horses): Not me! I love these road trips! All these cute fillies! Why, I’m just here to have fun! I could jump over those rails if I wanted to, but there’s more to life for a stud like me.
Indie: Don’t be so cocky, Archer! If you don’t perform, you’ll find yourself on a truck with a future as dog food!
(Archer ignores his comments and prances around, trying to impress a passing mare.)
Kally: Did you see the well-groomed horses and elaborate entourage of the Belgium team? They had their snooty muzzles up in the air as they passed with their custom embroidered scrim sheets.
Indie: You need to stop making comparisons, Kally. Appreciate the simple loving care we now get from our rider and groomer. I’m just grateful my retired race legs are still allowing me to win the 1.20-meter classes.
Announcer: Speaking of which, where is your rider? And where did that groomer go?
Kally: Our rider is inspecting the course for our next competition. If she doesn’t memorize it, we are toast.
Indie: And our groomer is back mucking the stalls. She’s an attorney by training but does this for “fun.”
Announcer: Fun?
Indie: Yeah, she says brushing my stunning coat puts her in a Zen mood.
Announcer: (Eyeing them incredulously) I see. Well, Kally, you really had a great round yesterday.
Kally: Yes, my rider’s motto is, “ride it like you stole it!” It’s no wonder I almost hit a rail.
Archer: Rail, smail. When does the party start? Who has the alfalfa cubes!?
Indie: No party for you Archer. Your arrogance will be your downfall.
Archer: Not arrogance, brother. Confidence. The females love it. (He whinnies to a passing filly, who turns her head away in disgust.) She’s just playing hard to get.
Announcer: (Rolls his eyes). Well folks, you heard it here first. The cocktail to success is preparation, gratefulness, and confidence! Tune in this evening as we’ll be chompin’ at the bit to hear how the rounds go today!
