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Cape Fear Voices/The Teen Scene

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My First date with Charlene, Post Mortem Report

My First date with Charlene, Post Mortem Report
Dan Dodge

Whew, the date is over!  Charlene is her name.  I haven’t been on a first date since my 20’s.  A friend set us up.  A friend at least prior to this first date with her.

Oh, I guess she’s okay and quite attractive.  We planned a light dinner and skating at the local ice rink.   I made reservations at Alberto’s Italian bistro.  I ordered a pasta with red sauce.  She ordered a linguini with white clam sauce.  Everything seemed to be going along fine until Charlene reached for some parmesan.  Her zinfandel was in the path.  Wine went flying across the table.  Wine splashed across my plate and down the front of me.

The waiter rushed in with towels and seltzer.  She was sorry and tried to help.  The napkin she was using was paper and started to flake off onto my lap.  She continued to rub the stains.  Well, lets just say she didn’t know when to stop.  The waiter asked me to accompany him to the kitchen.  He got me cleaned up so I didn’t look like I had been smashing grapes in a vat.

We got a new dish for me and another glass of wine for Charlene.  Charlene reached for her napkin.  Of course, her wine glass partially sat on her napkin.  The waiter was there and grabbed the wine glass before a repeat mishap.

She discussed her background about her ex-husband.  He apparently left with no notice or forwarding address.  Charlene did find out he was convicted for embezzlement and was serving 5-8 years.  I told of my life and when I lost my wife.  The kids, a son and a daughter, were both going through gender identification issues.  I told her my goals for dating.  Which are only dating no marriage desires.  She seemed to be disappointed with that news. She took a long drink of wine and shook her head.

We finally finished our meal with no new catastrophes and headed for the ice rink.

At the rink, we rented skates.  I had asked her if she could skate prior to the date.  We took off looping around the rink.  She was having problems keeping her balance.  I held her arm to steady her.  She started falling and pulled both of us down to the ice.  We ran into two other couples.  I began standing up to help everyone else.  I felt a hand grab me from behind.  It was Charlene.  She had grabbed my pants belt and pulled hard.  My pants slid down over my rear and down even further until she let go.

We finally made it off the ice.  I suggested we sit and watch other skaters moving by.

At her front door, she asked if I wanted a coffee.  I had had just about enough of this first date so I declined.  We said goodbye.  She asked if I wanted to have a second date.  I said I didn’t think so.  As she opened the door, you guessed it, her Doberman ran out chasing me down the driveway.  I yelled as I escaped, “I will come back for my car later!!”


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About the Contributor
Stan Washington, Contributing Writer
Stan Washington is a contributing writer for Cape Fear Voices.